I haven’t heard from many followers but I really want to help people and get help. I know talking about what’s wrong to a stranger that understands your feelings can really help. Email, comment, whatever! Thank you all.
I am not sure if I have mentioned that I have cysts on my left ovary and irritable bowel syndrome, both causing extreme abdominal pain. It happens a few times a month where I can tell it is the cysts bothering me, and occasionally I will have both at the same time. Today is one of those days. My stomach hurts so bad at some times that I have to use a heating pad and medicine doesn’t help much. When I finally fall asleep, I get up about once an hour to go to the bathroom. My anxiety makes everything so much worse. I hope I can get some help from my doctor soon. I hope everyone is having an okay week, tomorrow is HUMP DAY!
Short post for today. I’ve been struggling with leaving the house and talking to people. Prayers for everyone struggling right now!
These are the worst days I’ve had in over 2 years. I don’t even want to make it to my doctor appointment in the morning. I’m mentally and physically drained. Nobody is fucking real. I miss my friends but they don’t give a shit so I have to let go.
Happy Father’s Day to all of the dads, grandpas, step dads, and single moms that have to be both. I know this holiday is rough for a lot of people. 2 of my best friends ever lost their fathers. One was many years ago but she still struggles daily (I love you so much Heather!) and the other was my best friend from high schools dad. I’ve posted about how I grew up wanting to live with my dad. I’m a straight up daddy’s girl. Of course I love my mom, she raised me to make me who I am and even though I wasn’t spoiled and was depressed, I know she did the best she could and I am grateful. My dad was only 17 when I was born and has been working his ass off since he was 15. He works 7 days a week most weeks because he provides an amazing household for my little brother and sister. They have nice cars a nice house and they live comfortably. My dad has always made me proud. He’s also the reason I was born into the Pittsburgh teams! In high school, I didn’t see him much because he lived about 45 minutes away and I worked at McDonald’s and couldn’t afford the gas to visit. I saw my friends dad at least twice a week. He had an amazing job and spoiled the hell out of both of us. He gave us money for movies, food, gas, anything we wanted or could need!
Then I have another best friend who just began her relationship with her father after years of him being a douchebag. I am grateful that he came to his senses and reached out to her, because she didn’t have a real dad and it’s never too late to create a relationship.
All in all, happy daddy’s day.
I am super excited today because my man and I are camping at Mosquito Lake, about 5 minutes from our house. I bought him a new tent for Father’s Day, and some awesome extendable weiner and marshmallow roasters!
Other than that, I am still having a really rough time. I am done with physical therapy, my back feels a lot better. I have my follow up appointment on Tuesday with my doctor. They upped my Paxil, but I have had more bad days with it higher, so I am going to end up placed on some other medication. I still have not been able to fall asleep before 1 am. One day I was up until after 4:30 am. The girls have been awesome, I fainted from vasovagal syncope (I believe my heart has an arrhythmia that causes oxygen to temporarily not get to my head) based on what I experienced yesterday. I went to the hospital the last time this happened and they couldn’t find anything. I believe they would have to have me hooked up to an EKG while it happens, and this is only the second time it has ever happened.
I just wish someone cared. My family and boyfriend are awesome (family meaning the selective few that I interact with). I thought I was happy and had a ton of friends. I thought I would have these friends for the rest of my life.I guess I’m just struggling to accept that they don’t care. I have had to accept this about people before, but it sucks having all of them at once just like “Have a nice life!”.
I just miss people that don’t miss me.
Camping was so much fun and a bit muddy. It was relaxing and fun.