I went to the doctor yesterday and my feelings and symptoms were completely validated. I am so grateful to have gone to a physician that listened to what is wrong with me! I have an appointment to re-evaluate my progress. He adjusted my medications to help with the stomach issues and to hopefully help with my anxiety. He is sending me to physical therapy to help my legs and back, and a psychiatrist to help my severe anxiety.
My anxiety in the last 3 weeks has become progressively worse. I visualize my children getting hit by a car as they get off of the bus everyday. I have trouble falling asleep because if I’m not thinking about everything I didn’t do that I should’ve done, things I have to make sure I have to do, things that haven’t even happened yet, then I am thinking about some other ways my children could die or imagining how they would react if I were to die from one of my diseases or in some freak accident. My chest starts hurting from my heart beating harder and faster to compensate for my body releasing adrenaline because of the irrational fears that I have. I always think everyone is mad at me. It doesn’t matter who it is, I feel like they are mad at me for something, usually something that doesn’t even make sense. If I have a time limit for something, I get flustered and try to do 50 things at once, and can’t concentrate on any one thing.
I like to believe I was good at my job. Before I whatever this is (I call it my nervous breakdown) started, I was a multi-tasking master. I easily accomplished 14 different tasks in one 10 hour day. I helped out with other people, no matter what they need. Now, the one thought of having 5 things to do before 7 a.m. is causing me severe stress. The stress makes my IBS flare, which for anyone that doesn’t know, Irritable Bowel Syndrome makes you have to poop every hour to every 4 hours. It causes extreme discomfort and major cramps. I have had IBS for about 2 years, now.
Another complication of this stress and anxiety is the effect it has on my neuropathy. I have had this for the last year or so, caused by my Type 2 Diabetes. It hasn’t bothered me too much since it began. My legs and thighs are always sore, but I use Biofreeze religiously. Sometimes, my feet would start throbbing. The last week, I have been struggling to walk without a limp. My left leg feels like it has tiny little people mining away at my muscles. The pain goes from the middle of my lower back, down to my hips, my thighs, then my left calf. I am actually excited for physical therapy, and really hope that it helps with the pain.
If anyone has experienced any of this, I’d love to hear how you managed! Thank you all 🙂