So, this will probably be strange to some people, but I really hope there are more people out there like me. Ever since I was originally diagnosed with major depression in 2013, I have used a main coping mechanism, that I’m not even sure is an actual coping mechanism (LOL!).

In 2013, I began binge watching the show created by Shonda Rhimes: Grey’s Anatomy. When I began watching, the show was already 6 and a half seasons in, but luckily, I had NETFLIX!!! I was struggling with suicidal thoughts shortly after giving birth to my second daughter. Every day was a struggle. My oldest was 14 months old when the youngest was born. The baby didn’t sleep at night, she was completely nocturnal and had acid reflux, which would only allow her to comfortably fall asleep for any straight length of time, either in my arms or in her car seat, where the upright position prevented discomfort. My oldest slept at night and would take 2 naps during the day for about 2 hours each, so that is when I slept. I cried myself to sleep and cried more when I woke up. I was cutting myself to the point I would have a huge rectangle shape full of cuts filling in the shape. I didn’t want to die, because I had two beautiful little babies that needed me, but I needed to feel something that wasn’t in my head. ANYWAY, when I caught up in about 2 weeks, I re-watched it and re-watched it. All of the experiences and the emotion in the show gave me a kind of break. While I was watching, crying about character deaths and breakups and laughing when something awesome and epic happened, I was not focused on what I was going through. It was literally the only time I had that I felt OK. It got me through years and years of struggle. Tonight is the season finale, and I’m excited and sad, like every year. I would love to hear of anyone else that has used a TV show or something to cope and get you through days!!!